Art means so many things to so many people, but let me tell you: sometimes you’ve just got to have a little bit of fun with it… If you’d rather read more art critiques and reports from other museums around the world, view my art archives here.
One might think that finding good butts among the Louvre’s masterpieces is easy, but it’s actually surprisingly hard. First, you have to discard all the early religious art where butts just lack the luster of later art periods. Second, most painters paint portraits, and that puts the butt squarely in the back—impossible to see. And third, many of them are covered due to censorship of the era or because people are portrayed sitting, or against pillars, or many other reasons.
It’s easy to get lost in the Louvre—the world’s largest art museum. While most visitors make a beeline for the highlights and spend a maximum of two hours in the museum, you could spend days wandering through the collections.
But still, butts are everywhere—and during my recent visit to the Louvre, I went on a quest to find the best butts of the bunch.
12 Best Butts of the Louvre
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12. The dying Egyptian
This sexy guy’s butt might be covered, but even the female spirits of death want to grab it. But you can clearly see some muscles through the white pants. Sadly, he’ll soon be in a sarcophagus by the end of the day. If you don’t think his butt is that great, at least look at the dog vomiting fire in the corner. Oh, and don’t think this is a painting, it’s one of the many masterworks painted on the Louvre’s roof.
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11. Venus Kallipygos (1686)
She knows she’s got a great butt; that’s why she’s looking at it. Is my butt still great? Of course it is. She’s bunched up her skirt to really accentuate those curves. When you’ve got it, you’ve got it. The sculptor is François Barois.
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If you’re a fan of big butts, you’ll love this tiny friend. Her eyes are looking at you with surprise and her legs seem to be heavy, especially because I find her breasts rather small. Maybe at that time, seduction was all about your ass. It’s an artifact from Iran.
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9. The Carrier of Offerings
Her ass might be cracking, but she still rocks it. Of course, if your job is to walk around carrying offerings in your arms and on your head, you’re going to have muscles and a great waist.
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When was the last time that you fought a serpent naked? Did your ass look that tight? Hercules shows us the whole package: strong arms, great legs, and a butt you just want to bite. Was there any man built like Hercules? He’s a god on Earth. Sculpture by François-Joseph Bosio.
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7. Odalisque (1745)
To be honest, I find her butt kind of weird. It’s the triangle in her figure. But the posture of her legs, and her joyful attitude make me think that she’s having a great time. Who hasn’t found themselves in a similar situation?! This is a painting by François Boucher.
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6. L’Amitié (by Cristoforo Stati)
Literally named the Friendship, everybody knows that real friends come with great butts. I love the way her hand rests under her breast, but look at her perfect-although-kind-of-dirty butt. A taut, perfectly spherical cheek and an attitude that’s warm and friendly. Friendship.
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5. The anonymous Louvre visitor
Yes, once you visit the Louvre, you’ll see some really good butts among the visitors, and George Leroux captured one in his painting In The Grand Gallery. Our friend looks like he is ready to play tennis, but it’s a good reminder that the best butts are usually paired with great legs. Sadly, he has a girlfriend.
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If I die and this is the driver of my ferry to hell, I think I’ll be okay. A rosy, perfect butt. However, it’s impossible to know if his face is a hellish nightmare, but this is not a post about faces, right? You can find this painting in the French section; an oil on canvas by Pierre Subleyras.
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3 –La Grande Odalisque (1814)
Sometimes a good butt is more about attitude than about muscles. And this is what Jean-Auguste-Dominique Ingres created here. Her butt is kind of flat but she’s definitely got that seductive pose down. And look how the light naturally falls on her checks.
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2. The Three Graces
Three butts for the price of one. And this isn’t just quantity, but quality. Perfect curves, rosy skin tones. Technically we only see two butts, but we can imagine that the third one is perfect too. The daughters of Zeus, each of the three graces represent youth (beauty), joy and elegance—easily reflected in this painting by Jean-Baptiste Regnault.
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1. The Roman soldier with the spear
Confession: I love Jacque-Louis David. And the Intervention of the Sabine Women is one of my favorite paintings at the Louvre. The soldier is in the front, and even with the shadow, you can see the perfection of his butt. Of course his legs, arms and the profile of his face helped in this selection. You’ll find this masterpiece in the Denon wing.
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And sorry, Mona Lisa, but this is a list that you just don’t qualify for.
And before someone says something, yes, I know women have been notoriously objectified in art. I also tried to find other ethnicities in the Louvre to include in this list, but it was a challenge because many races are misrepresented. Also worth mentioning: the Guerrilla Girls famously featured Ingres’ Grande Odalisque in one of their posters highlighting the lack of female artists in museums.
There are plenty of other best butts on display in the Louvre, and in other museums across the world, too. What are you favorite buttocks in art?
Oh Adam, this made me laugh and laugh. ? I expected you to just put a ton of hot dudes but thank you for thinking outside the hot-duderie. Thank you for writing a funny and original post!
Of course, Kate! Art can be very democratic ;) Just putting my art history degree from BU to use!
Hilarious! This was a fun read! Also, that dog vomiting…yikes.
Thanks Ali! Yeah – when you really look closely at art you can find some truly bizarre stuff!
Haha…I love it! I had the sam thoughts like Kate! Great use of your university degree ;)
Thanks Synke! :-)
Hercules’ butt is my favourite <3
He is definitely handsome!
This is amazing post! Beautiful picture of Hilarious.
Hilarious!! Agree Hercules has some mighty cake I could watch all day long :)
Haha thanks Stefan – And yeah, Hercules is a favorite!