We’ve all been there. Standing at an unanswered door halfway across the city. Sitting at home, wondering why he suddenly blocked you. At the bar, confused why that guy just walked away without a word. Annoyed and frustrated with feelings of inadequacy.
I remember it all too well—the first time when I found myself bewildered by the world of modern gay dating. Swiping through profiles alone all night and hoping to find a genuine connection. Among the fleeting matches and casual conversations, there was that one guy who stood out, who seemed different from the rest.
We exchanged messages filled with excitement and anticipation, our conversations flowing effortlessly for over an hour. It felt like I had finally stumbled upon someone who shared my interests, my sense of humor, and maybe even my hopes for something more.
Plus: he had great nudes.
But as quickly as our connection had ignited, it vanished into thin air. The text messages I had eagerly awaited started to dwindle. The sinking feeling in my chest grew more profound with each unanswered message, and I was left with a profound sense of confusion and hurt. I’d been ghosted on Grindr.
As I look back on that experience now, I can’t help but wonder about the intricacies of dating in the digital age and the emotional rollercoaster that it can become. What did I do wrong? Was it something I said or did? Or was it simply a reflection of his inability to handle the complexities of a budding connection?
Since then I’ve been ghosted more times than I count—especially on Grindr, but on the other dating and hookup apps like Sniffies, Scruff, Hinge, and Tinder.
I’m sharing my story of being ghosted not for sympathy, but for the valuable lessons and coping strategies I’ve gathered along the way—a journey through the maze of modern dating, one swipe at a time.
What to Do When You’re Ghosted on Grindr
1. Reflect and Accept
Being ghosted can be disheartening, but it’s crucial to remember that it’s not a reflection of your worth or desirability. It often says more about the person who ghosted you than it does about you.
Allow yourself to feel the disappointment, but also recognize that you deserve someone who communicates openly and honestly.
2. Reach Out Just Once More
If you suspect you’ve been ghosted, it’s acceptable to send one brief and polite message seeking clarification. However, be prepared for the possibility of not receiving a response.
Keep your dignity intact and avoid sending multiple messages or becoming confrontational.
3. Don’t Take It Personally
This is the hardest thing to do in modern dating, but trust me: if you can succeed at this, you’ll be fine. Ghosting is unfortunately common in modern dating, and it happens to nearly everyone at some point. Try not to internalize it or let it affect your self-esteem.
Maintain confidence in your self-worth.
4. Limit Social Media Stalking
Resist the urge to obsessively check their social media profiles. Even if they’ve got a gay alt Twitter full of nudes, just ignore it.
It can be tempting to social media stalk, but it won’t provide the closure you need and may prolong the healing process. Just like when dealing with a romantic breakup.
5. Talk to Friends
Share your feelings with trusted friends who can offer emotional support and advice. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you gain valuable insights into the situation.
6. Keep Busy
Stay active and engaged in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s hitting the gym, advancing in your career, or exploring new hobbies, staying occupied can help distract you from the disappointment.
7. Practice Self-Care
Prioritize self-care routines to nurture your mental and emotional well-being. This may include practicing meditation, taking long walks, enjoying a spa day, or indulging in your favorite comfort foods.
8. Reevaluate Your Standards
Use this time to assess whether the person who ghosted you met your dating criteria and expectations. It might be an opportunity to refine what you’re looking for in future relationships.
9. Meet New People
When you feel ready, get back into the dating scene. Not every dating experience will end in ghosting, and you may meet someone truly compatible and respectful of your feelings.
10. Seek Closure
If you still need closure after some time, consider sending one more message seeking clarification. However, remain respectful and avoid confrontational language.
Be prepared for the possibility of not receiving a response.
11. Get Professional Help
If ghosting significantly impacts your self-esteem or mental health, consider seeking assistance from a therapist or counselor. They can provide valuable tools and coping strategies to navigate dating challenges.
With my most serious breakups, therapy has been an invaluable resource. Mental health for gay men is never easy, and there are plenty of gay therapists and counselors to help with our more intimate mental issues.
12. Learn from the Experience
Reflect on the lessons learned from the ghosting experience. Consider how it has shaped your perceptions of dating and relationships, and use this knowledge to make better choices in the future.
13. Stay Positive
Maintain a positive outlook on dating and relationships. Remember that not everyone you meet will ghost you, and there are many wonderful people out there eager to connect on a deeper level.
14. Don’t Rush Things
Take your time to heal and recover from the experience. Avoid rushing into a new relationship to fill the void, as it’s essential to be emotionally prepared for a new connection.
15. Practice Better Communication
Evaluate your own communication skills and work on being more transparent and honest in your future dating endeavors.
Clear communication can help build stronger connections.
16. Engage in Self-Reflection
Use this time to engage in self-reflection. Understand your own needs, values, and goals in dating and relationships.
Knowing yourself better will enable you to approach future connections with greater confidence and clarity.
Incorporating these steps into your post-ghosting routine can help you navigate the emotional challenges and emerge from the experience stronger and wiser in your dating journey.